Me. At least after what I've been through.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
