Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
