i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
