Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
