what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
