I want to make a zoo with you.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
