just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
