I want to have your abortion
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Too much gin, very little bucket
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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