Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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