even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
