Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize