I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
