What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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