i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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