I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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