You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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