I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
