did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
