Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
