would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
