Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
