I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
