just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
