God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
