Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
