Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Even my vagina gasped.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
