Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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