this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i wish my penis had a tongue
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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