I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Quick, to the slutcave!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
