this beer tastes like vomit already
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
did i just pee glitter
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
