babies were throwing up all over the place
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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