If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
