real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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