New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
