He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
