you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
