I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize