y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
