I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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