It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
