I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
