you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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