he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
