How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
this boner is exhausting
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize