I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
