The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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