When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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