Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
