she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
