Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
