Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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