Can i not drive my cunt home
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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