I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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