he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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