Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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