I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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