just come out here and I will go home with you...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
