sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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