I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
