so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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