oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
