Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
