does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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