areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
