Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
