Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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