yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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