but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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