Just cropdusted the office
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
