Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
