Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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