So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
