I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
