Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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