where am i from again
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
