Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
