apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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