There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize