If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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