Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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