I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
