I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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