i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize