Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
