we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize