dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
