im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
