When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize