I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
