Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
