I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
soo... how was my night?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize