Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
