Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
