He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
