we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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