Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
