who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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