just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize