ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
